St. Maarten Awaits
It all started with my quarterly meeting with the owner of Power Yoga Canada in April. I was in the hot seat, getting all the fire burning questions like "what are your strengths as a teacher?" and "what do you bring to the table?" the kind of things I probably should've put thought into before said meeting. But instead I just bursted into tears and used this 30-minute meeting as a free 1 hour therapy session with my mentor.
The issue was not my teaching, my issue in my opinion was everything else. All the buildup of day to day living, stress of travels/future planning, being torn between two cities and jobs, fear that my own answers to the questions weren't going to be what she wanted to hear (#peoplepleaser). I think I blurted out "I hate my life" which you might be thinking as you read this, how is that even possible? I had just gotten back from a Baptiste program in San Francisco, and an extended vacation in Hawaii with all my friends that I missed dearly (my fav place in the universe). I followed it up with some more ugly tears and statements like "I failed my career" "I failed my relationship" "I am a failure". My buried perfectionism struck again. Things not going to my unrealistic life itinerary had me depressed, anxious, sleepless and desire-less to even think of a rebuild.
At this point, Kinndli looked at little old me, crying in a starbucks on a Monday morning, and while smiling/half laughing at the mess of who I am twinkled her eyes and said, "Oh Whit it's so GREAT!!!!! You're free, you can do anything in the entire world!" What a reality check! I had been so low I couldn't even think of things ever being a different way. She went on to list all the cool things I should be doing - like start a youtube channel, get 'Insta' famous, become a blogger, and touring with Wanderlust. This is when I stopped crying and starting laughing at her in disbelief. "This hippie yoga lady is delusional" I thought to myself. Our life coaching session ended with her telling me to put my phone down more and keep my eyes up looking around for what the universe was about to bring me.
How wrong was she! How easy it is to be skeptical, pessimistic and bitter. Ok, she was half right and yes, the universe was about to deliver big time but I needed my iPhone. My friend and legit living yoga legend Deanna DiCarlo was about to message me. The day I met Deanna I knew who she was from cyberstalking (it's less creepy right?) but Kinndli actually introduced me to her and said, "OMG!!! You two need to be best friends you have so much in common!" Like heck yeah, sign me up for a new BFFL who lives on an island! Deanna is from the GTA but had moved to St. Maarten to teach yoga at Joga. She asked me if I'd be interested in coming to St.Maarten to teach for her. This is where my scientific logical head and free spirited heart usually fall out of alignment.
What did I have to lose, I had already in my eyes 'failed' at living. I said YES before it was too late and figured I could iron the rest out later. But then reality started interrupting my daydream. Anxiety started looming and questions brewing like who would teach my classes while I was gone or would I have to give them away, would I still be able to travel for preplanned Baptiste programs or would I have to give them up? Would any of this even matter? Probably not. I ruminated on it for some time, ran different proposals by different people gauging different reactions all which were unrealistic. I set up a second meeting with Kinndli. Same Starbucks, same fears, less tears. I could barely spit the words out of my mouth. I guilted myself that things were good enough here and I could make things work, I could try harder, I ran stories about myself being selfish and immature. I feared losing what was good enough in search of something greater.
But her reaction was absolutely wonderful. She asked if she could come visit me! This situation worked itself out perfectly like that old show Wife Swap. Deanna will be taking over my classes at Power Yoga Canada while I'm away! I'm low-key sad I won't get to take her classes/hang out with her but I am off to the island. To think, I almost didn't ask for this opportunity because I couldn't even fathom it to be possible. How wild! So that leaves us here, with me getting my life together in 9 days and moving to St. Maarten. I booked a one-way plane ticket and I'll finally stop wearing my favourite black turtleneck every day. If you find yourself out in SXM or you miss me enough, mosey on down! My last class at Power Yoga Canada will be Thursday May 18! I hope to hug and sweat with as many of you beautiful people as possible and after that please please please enjoy the magic of Deanna DiCarlo for me!